14 Things Parents get Judged about

I recently shared a Facebook post of someone else’s blog post. It was about putting your child on a leash. I know it’s a very controversial topic. I completely agree with it. I’d rather have my child be safe than be sorry later on in life. Anyways, someone on my Facebook shared it and people started commenting on their post. One person wrote, “I despise these things and people look so stupid using them smh.” So I commented because sometimes I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. I wrote: “They’re actually not stupid. Every parent parents differently and just because people choose to use them, doesn’t mean you should look down upon them and call them “stupid”. I guess I’d rather look stupid and know that my child is safe than risk their lives, especially in today’s world. Accidents can happen in a matter of seconds but to each their own.” Some people agreed with me and some other people disagreed. One person who disagreed said that they could end up hurting the child’s back. I’ll have to disagree with them there. Because my child pulling on my hand could end up pulling her arm out of socket. There’s pros and cons to everything we do. I just hate how people are so quick to judge and how people call other people “stupid” because they choose to parent differently. Why can’t we all just get along and support each other’s decisions? I mean, unless the kid is in danger, I don’t see the big problem with everyone having their own parenting ways. So, let’s take a look at some of the things people get judged on and think long and hard why we are so quick to judge. This starts even before the baby is born.

Epidural or natural birth: As soon as you announce that your pregnant, people will start asking you questions about your parenting decisions. They’ll wonder if you’ll announce the gender. They’ll wonder if you plan to have a natural birth. They’ll wonder if you’ll circumcise if it’s a boy. They’ll wonder if you’ll create a birth plan. You’ll be asked all these questions before your baby is even born. There’s nothing wrong if you choose to have an epidural. There’s nothing wrong if you choose to have a natural birth. The only one who should be worried about that decision is YOU. Your body is the one who has to go through all the changes a baby brings. It’s no ones choice but your own. Don’t let people bully you into changing your mind.

Personally, I chose natural birth. However, during both labors I asked for the epidural but I was too late for it. The baby was ready to come and I didn’t have enough time. That was my choice though. I’ll never have anyone bully me into a big decision like that.

Breastfeeding VS Formula Feeding: This is a big one. If you don’t breastfeed your baby, your automatically wrong. But then when you do breastfeed your child, you HAVE to stop at a certain age and you HAVE to cover up. If you don’t do these things, then you are wrong again. People will complain about seeing your boob or complain that your child is too old to still be breastfeeding. There’s so much pressure on mother’s to breastfeed that babies are actually be starved and dying because the mother’s are concerned about failing as a parent due to not be able to breastfeed. A fed baby is a happy baby. No one should be pestered about how they’re feeding their child. No mother should feel stressed out because she’s not producing enough milk to feed her baby. No mother should be pestered because she chose to formula feed instead of breastfeed. All that should matter is a happy baby. The baby’s well being is PRIORITY.

Personally, I chose to breastfeed. For one it’s cheaper. For two, it’s a healthier choice. But I will never look down upon a mother who chose formula.

Crib Sleeping VS Co-Sleeping: This is another big one but people are much more judgmental if you co-sleep. The research shows that a baby is safest in a crib with just a sheet on it and nothing else in the crib. There shouldn’t be any blankets or bumper pads. You’ll see people who put their children to sleep in a crib and have bumpers or blankets. You’ll see people who put their children to sleep in a crib with nothing. And then you’ll have the parents who choose to co-sleep. Research as shown that if practiced right, co-sleeping can be safe and actually beneficial to a breastfeeding mom.

Personally, I chose to co-sleep with my first born. It was easier with breastfeeding. I made a lot of changes to how I slept. I took away blankets where her face would be. I never slept with pillows so I didn’t have to worry about that. It worked for me. My second born sleeps in a crib because my first born still co-sleeps.

Children Leashes: This is the big debate that made me want to write a blog post. This is the big debate that I argued with people on Facebook.  You can find many different blog articles for and against this.  The people who are against it argue that children aren’t dogs. The people who are for it understand the freedom and the safety it provides the child. No matter your decision, you shouldn’t be judged by doing what is best for your child. No one knows your child better than you.

Personally, I leash my child. I haven’t done it out in public. My daughter usually goes in the store with me and we haven’t been anywhere busy enough to use the leash. If we go in a store for a short amount of time, I hold her hand. Eventually the hand holding hurts though. She pulls me places and I’m always worried about her pulling her arm out of her socket.  I couldn’t imagine holding her hand for a long amount of time, like at Disney or an amusement park. I feel that’s where the leash would come in handy. She can have the freedom to walk and I don’t have to worry as much about some stranger trying to steal her.

Spanking: It’s been proven that spanking doesn’t solve anything. There’s other ways that you can discipline a child.

I personally will never hit my child. I don’t agree with it and I feel that it just makes the child afraid of you.

Vaccinations: This is another big topic that people are argumentative about. Some people are against it because they’re afraid that the vaccines will cause Autism or other dangers. Then on the other side you have people who are for them and then people who despise the people who don’t get them. By children not getting their shots, it can bring back these diseases. It can also put sick children and premature babies at risk.

Personally, I didn’t want to give my children all those shots at once. I decided to do an alternative vaccine schedule. Instead of my children getting all the shots at once, they’re split up. It just means for their first year of life, they have to go to the doctor every month for shots. With my first daughter, I started shots when she was two months old like the schedule says. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have done that. After her first set of shots, she was constipated and miserable. I chalk it up to her being premature and her body not really being ready for the shots. With my second born, I waited until she was 3 months old for her to get her first set of shots. She didn’t get constipated. I don’t know if it was due to the wait time or just because she’s a different baby. I’ll never know. Some people may not agree with the alternative vaccine schedule but my children’s lives are my choice. I know the way I live and what they interact with. Just because it may not work for you, doesn’t mean it won’t work for me. The bottom line is my children will eventually have all of their shots.

Pacifiers: Many people use pacifiers. The only controversy with them is the age at which children have them. Many people will see children who are over the age of 2 with a pacifier and look down upon that parent.

Personally, I used Pacifiers with both of my children. However, I didn’t want to be the parent that’s child had a pacifier when she was two or older. When my daughter was around 6-8 months, I started to wean her from it. Then I gradually started taking it away more and more. I’ll write a separate blog post on how I weaned my toddler from her Pacifier. My infant stopped using the pacifier all on her own..when she found her thumb. I have no idea how I’ll wean her from her thumb. I guess I’ll figure that out when I get there.

Car Seats VS Booster Seats: Both car seats and Booster seats are designed to keep our children safe in the car. However, many people get heat for either the way there child is facing in the car, what kind of car seat they use, how loose the belts are, or using a coat. The most important thing about a car seat is to make sure you are using the right kind and to make sure you are following all of the rules. The seats can’t protect your child if they aren’t being used right.

My toddler is still in 5 point harness car seat and she still rear faces. I’ll get to that in my next bullet. There’s so many different articles out there about parents who lost their children because they didn’t do something right.  Every time I see these posts I share them in hopes people will fix their seats. I have a few friends on my Facebook who don’t have their children in the proper seat, the belts are too loose, or the child is wearing a jacket. From what I’ve seen, the belts are supposed to be tight but loose enough that you can only put a finger between the child’s shoulder and the belt. If you live in a cold climate, your child shouldn’t wear a coat in the car seat. It’s the biggest pain in the butt to have to dress and undress your child every time you put them in the car but it’s worth making sure they are safe. Children shouldn’t go into a Booster Seat until they are at least four years old and can sit the entire trip without bending forward and slouching. A good website for information on this is: http://thecarseatlady.com/booster-seats/

I highly suggest checking out this website. I highly suggest reading as many articles as possible to make sure you are doing everything right. Your child’s safety is in your hands.

Rear Facings VS Forward Facing: This goes with the above bullet.  A lot of people forward face their children far too soon. They say that children can rear-face up until their four years old, depending on the car seat. This is another thing that’s worth looking into.

Personally, my toddler still rear-faces and she’ll rear-face for as long as her car seat lets her. It’s the safest way for the child to be in the car. You can look up YouTube videos about the difference between rear and forward facing.

Only Child VS Multiple Children: This one is such a hypocritical topic. Once you have one baby, everyone is quick to ask when you’re going to have another one. It could be hours after you give birth or a year. However, if you have more than a certain amount of children, people look at you like you’re weird. They especially pity you if you have 2 or more of the same gender.

It’s not anyone business but that family’s on how many children they choose to have. If someone has four children and they’re all the same gender, don’t look down upon them. Don’t ask them if they are going to try until they have the opposite gender. Don’t look down upon parents if they decide to only have one child. Don’t look down upon parents if they decide to have more than 2 children. It’s not up to you to tell them how to live their life. You don’t know their situation. You don’t live their life. They do. It’s up to them to have however many children as they want.

Ear Piercing: Another debatable topic. I’ll just go straight into my personal feeling. I personally chose not to pierce my toddler’s ears and I won’t pierce my infant’s either. I see no reason for them having their ears pierced. First of all, why should I make that decision for them? Their body is theirs, not mine. Second of all, I don’t think it’s a safe choice. If you do it as a baby, you have no idea if they are allergic or if they’ll get an infection. You don’t know if the baby will pull at them and rip them out. There are so many things to think about when it comes to ear piercing.  I won’t look down on people who decide to pierce their children’s ears but I won’t be one of the ones to do it.

 

Stay at home mom VS Working Moms: Neither sides of this party can win. If you’re a stay at home mom, people think you don’t do anything all day or expect more from you. If you’re a working mom, people will wonder how you can be away from your child all day.

 

Personally, I’m a SAHM. We chose this because it was what best for our family. Other families will choose to do what’s best for their family. A mother shouldn’t be judged if they are a SAHM. From personal experience, being a SAHM isn’t easy. You don’t get to sit and eat bonbons all day. It’s a full time job and it’s very demanding. There’s always good days and bad days and you just have to go with the flow of things. It’s not just taking care of the child(ren). It’s taking care of the house and the pets and the dinner and the cleaning up and the laundry.

 

Potty Training: If your child is in diapers past two years old, people will look down upon you or think you are a lazy parent. People will judge you for this as well.

 

Potty training isn’t an easy task and every child reacts differently to it. My child was pretty easy to potty train. I started out slowly when I trained my daughter. I also always talked to her while she was doing number 2 in her diaper. I believe it helped her not be afraid to do it in front of someone. However, I know someone whose daughter took a while to train for number 2. She was still doing number 2 in a Pull Up when she was four. Every child is different. Is it ideal to have them potty trained early? Most likely. It’s less money to be spending on diapers and some daycares require it. It entirely depends on the child though.

 

Screen Time: This is another one that’s highly talked about. They say that screen time is bad for children and that they shouldn’t get a lot.

 

Here’s my outlook on it. Sometimes you do what you have to do. When my second daughter was born, I used a tablet to keep my toddler busy while I fed her baby sister and while I pumped. In between those moments, she would play with her toys. She would either watch YouTube or play some games. But then YouTube became her go to and her attitude started to change. When I took the tablet away, she would have a meltdown. She was starting to act like the videos she was watching. I started to watch what videos she watched more but there’s too many of them out there with kids who don’t set a good example. So, one day YouTube disappeared. I told her it broke. She’s not as interested in her tablet as she was. She still asks for YouTube and I still tell her that it’s broke. One day she’ll forget YouTube even existed. Until then I’ll just keep telling her that it’s broke.

 

These children don’t ask to be brought into the world. As parents, it is our job to make sure we are doing our very best to be a parent and make sure we do everything to keep our children safe. Some people may not agree with us but that is perfectly fine. Only YOU know your child and your family and what works best for you. Don’t listen to other people’s judgment, if you are doing what is right for your child.

 

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