To Leash or not to leash?

Last summer, my parents threw a July 4th barbecue. It was a yearly thing that we did and we always invited some of the family. Some of my boyfriend’s family came and some of my Aunts and Uncles came. I had made the decision to put my daughter one one of those children leashes. That’s how I was taking her outside before the barbecue even happened. Now, I don’t live on a busy street or anything like that but that doesn’t mean anything to me. Just because danger isn’t 10 feet away, doesn’t mean it’s not there. I have two hills at my house. I’m not as worried about the one going up as I am about the one going down. The one going down leads to a road where cars fly by. I choose to leash my child in her yard for HER safety. By leashing her, I know where she is at all time. I don’t have to worry about her running away from me and running down the hill into the road. I don’t have to worry about her running down the hill and getting hurt. I don’t have to worry if someones dog got lose and entered our yard. I don’t have to worry about the foxes that roam around or sometimes the bears. All because she’s leashed. Being leashed, gives her the freedom to walk without holding my hand constantly. It gives her the freedom to explore things and be a toddler. She may not be able to run around fully but that can come as she ages. The leash will teach her where she can go. The leash will help her learn boundaries and help her learn to stay close to an adult at all times. Anyways, I had her leashed at the barbecue. One of my relatives had the nerve to say something to me about my daughter being leash. I don’t remember the comment fully. Something about treating my child like a dog. I didn’t bite their head off but I’m starting to think I should have.


First of all: My Kid, My Rules. You had your children. You chose to parent the way you wanted too. You’re parenting days are over. This is my daughter and I’ll choose to parent her the way I want too.

Second of all: Yes, I’m going to leash her. You know why I choose to leash her. Because it’s the safest thing for her. Because I didn’t carry a child for 9 months so that I could be careless when she came out of me and risk her life in other ways.

Third and lastly: Watch her. First of all, it’s not always that simple. Accidents can happen in a split second. It’s hard to have your eyes on your child every single second of the time you have company over, especially if you want to mingle and talk and spend time with said family. Second of all, watching her doesn’t necessarily mean she’s safe. I could be watching her and in a split second she could run off. I may have longer legs than her and be older than her, but chasing her is not something I want to do. Running in places she doesn’t know is dangerous and so is me chasing her. I don’t want to risk her falling. I don’t want to risk her getting away from me.

I fully believe that using a leash on a child is a safe idea and it also gives them freedom. Would I do it if our yard was fenced in, No. But it’s not so I choose what’s best for my child. Some people will disagree with me and that’s fine. Just don’t look down upon me for choosing to parent my child a different way than you would parent yours. I want what’s best for my kids and I’m the only one who gets to decide that.


I don’t want to be done…

As the months progress and I watch my second born grow, I’m realizing how fast time flies. She’s starting to be more alert and smile more. Before I know it, she’ll be holding her head up on her own and then from there she’ll learn to roll over and crawl and then walk and talk. My first born is already forming full sentences and learning new things every day. It’s a bittersweet feeling. Whenever I see pictures of my first born little, I can remember the time and how the days went. I can remember watching her grow. I just never realized that it actually happened so quickly. My second born isn’t even 6 months old yet. She’s almost 4 months old though, so 6 isn’t far behind. Even though she’s still a baby, I’m wishing the newness of her wasn’t passing by go quickly. She just recently stopped waking up every 3 hours at night. Sometimes she sleeps through the night. Sometimes she wakes up once or twice. She’s growing. She’s becoming older and it makes me sad.

It literally feels like the NICU days were just yesterday. I remember her birth. I remember my stay and her stay in the hospital. I remember the trips to the hospital. I remember knowing that it was best for her there but hating I had to be so far away. I remember feeling like a crappy mom because she wasn’t home with me. I remember everything so vividly. How the week went leading up to her coming into this world way to early. I remember being scared the night before I had her. My biggest fear was having to have a C-Section and I thank god every day that I didn’t have too. I remember all this like it just happened yesterday. But it didn’t. Soon, she’ll be 4 months old. And then so on and so forth. Before I know it, she’ll be a year old. And all I’ll have are the memories of all this. It makes me sad because she’ll be the last baby I have. Don’t get me wrong, I want more babies. I always pictured myself with at least 3. 2 girls, 1 boy or 1 girl and 2 boys. I’ll never have that though. Just because I WANT another baby doesn’t mean that I’ll HAVE another baby. As much as I’m not ready to be done, my brain tells me that I should be.

My heart breaks at the thought of being done though. If I knew she was absolutely going to be the last baby I had, I would have done things differently during my pregnancy. I would have taken those monthly pictures. I would have painted my stomach for Halloween. Or just took more pregnancy pictures in general. But that stuff didn’t happen because I found myself with no time. I found myself constantly busy raising my toddler. And I always thought to myself that I’d have at least once more, especially once I found out she was a girl. I love everything about my daughter but I also wanted my chance at a boy. And thinking about that boy just makes me yearn so much more for another baby. I was told by my gynecologist that I could have kids but they’d make me take a shot. It was offered during this pregnancy but I opted out since my first born wasn’t crazy early. But my brain can’t stop thinking about the “What ifs..”

“What if I took the shots and the baby was full term? Would my body be able to handle it? Would I be able to deliver naturally like my other too?”

“What if I needed a C-Section? I hear they’re very painful and the recovery time is longer than a vaginal delivery. How would I take care of two children while being in pain? Who would help me take care of myself? How many days would I want to cry because of the pain?”

“What if, even with the shots, the baby was born prematurely? How prematurely would it be born? Would it be born at the 36 week mark like my first born and be fine to come home? Would it be born like my second and have to stay at the hospital until she was cleared to go home? If born too premature, who would take care of my two other children while in the hospital? Could I handle leaving another child until it was well enough to come home? What if it was born way to premature and only weighed a pound when it was born? What if it had to stay longer than 12 days? How would I be able to afford that?”

“What if I took the shots? What if they didn’t work? What if I had a reaction to them?”

All the what ifs and hows and whys. They drive me insane. I yearn to have another baby. I don’t want to be done having children. I wanted three. I wanted a somewhat big family. I want to keep raising my children because it’s such an amazing family. Being a mother is something I’m good at. Something I feel like I was born to do. Watching my children grow and learn and become their own person is such an amazing feeling, especially because I’m a Stay at Home Mom. I can take credit for everything that they learned because I’m the one teaching them. When they become potty trained or learn a letter or their name or how to count, I can say “I did that. That’s because of me.” And that’s an incredible feeling. Being a parent is such a demanding job and even though it has it’s bad moments, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I love being a mom and I’d love to have a third child. But just because it’s something that I want doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to happen. Because in my brain, I know it’s not plausible to have another one. And that truly breaks my heart.

Love-hate relationship with YouTube

I have a love-hate relationship with YouTube.  My daughter just started using it recently (that’ll be another post). First, YouTube is like a drug for children. When my daughter first started watching it, she was into it all the time. She’d watch these dumb videos about these older girls who would be bad and cry and have pacifiers. These girls were like 8 years old or somewhere around there. These girls were throwing food. When I noticed my daughter acting out a bit more, I told her no to these videos. I told her that they would bad. Being the smart girl that she is, she would see one and point to them and say “That one bad” and then I would tell her yes and she would find a different video. I’ve never realized how many “weird” videos there are on YouTube until I had a kid. Some of the videos she watches are annoying but educational. There’s a couple where the child uses different things to talk about what colors they are. Some of the things he uses are balloons, chip containers, M&Ms, etc. Educational Yes. Annoying: Super Yes. The child practically shouts the color every time. I honestly don’t know why he can’t just talk in a normal tone. Then there’s the videos of children who play with their dolls or their siblings and use their imagination. They’re not always the best but they’re better than the Bad baby ones. Then the weirdest ones to me are the adults who make videos with dolls. These adults are buying ball pits and toys for these dolls and treating them like real children. They’re taking these dolls to the park like it’s a real baby. I just don’t know how or why they do it. The second most annoying videos, to me, are the ones where these 5-8 year old children have pacifiers in their mouths. I honestly want to know where their parents are thinking?

YouTube has is pros and cons. Lately I’ve been seeing YouTube pop on my Facebook newsfeed. The one thing that it popped up for was a creepy person dressed up as a clown at the bottom. This was supposedly popping up on the kids version of YouTube. Another thing that popped up the other day on my newsfeed was how there’s videos of Peppa Pig or other popular characters doing bad things, like suicide and burning down houses. This also pops up on the kids YouTube version. These videos are allowed on the kids version because they aren’t labeled as bad. I think YouTube needs to fix this. I was going to try to contact them about it but they don’t have an e-mail where you can contact at them.  They should pay stay at home mom’s to help clean up these videos so they aren’t appearing on the Kids version or coming up when children search videos. I’m a stay at home mom and I closely monitor what my child watches. I’m sure there’s other mom’s like me out there. If YouTube just hired some SAHMs to take care of this, I’m sure their app could be cleaned up and more reliable. Because at the end, the kids version should be clean enough for our children to watch.




Happy Easter!!

The holidays are more fun when you have children, especially when they get older. Melody didn’t understand Easter last year but now she’s starting to understand so much more and it’s so amazing to watch and it’s pretty awesome to be a part of. I told her the Easter bunny was going to come and bring her presents. I told her if she was bad he wouldn’t come at all. The week before Easter, I did some crafts with her and read her a couple Easter books.


This one one of the crafts that we did. I helped her paint her hands and make the bunnies. The next craft we did was this:


I was originally going to glue these onto string and make a garland out of them and hang it like that but I ended up running out of time. It’s hard to see in the photo but she colored most of them herself. Her Pa, Grandma, Dada, and Mama colored one each. Grandma actually colored a couple more than one. I didn’t even have time to cut them out perfectly. I did a rush job the night before Easter.



Melody’s daddy and her colored eggs the night before Easter as well. I helped out for a bit but then the infant needed me so I had to tend to her. It was Melody’s first time coloring Easter eggs and she was so excited to do it. This is one of the reasons why holidays are more fun with children, seeing the joys on their face as they do things.


This is her plate to leave carrots for the Easter Bunny. My boyfriend actually made the vinyl for it. He has his own Etsy store, if you want to check it out –> Etsy Store


After Melody went to bed, I hid her presents that night for her to find. I hid them in a simple location since she’s young. As she gets older, I’ll hide them in a more difficult spot. The baby is hiding her basket. Funny story about her baby: For like a year now, my mom and I have been hiding that baby every night for her to find in the morning. Every morning when she wakes up, she finds the baby. Every time she finds it, she laughs. It’s fun.


We didn’t do much for Easter. My mom and I actually went shopping. We didn’t have an Easter dinner or anything like that. We ended up just spending some time together as a family. We also took some photos. The shirts are also something available in the Etsy shop. Overall it was a good holiday and time well spent with family. It’ll be more fun next year when the little one can tag along and be excited too!

I hope everyone had a Happy Easter.

It takes a village….

They say that it takes a village to raise a child and I completely agree. Before you have kids, you never realize how much work actually goes into raising children. There are people out there who like to try to compare taking care of a child to taking care of a dog and while they may have their similarities, it’s definitely more work to take care of a child. Being a parent means you never get a day off. You have to be up when your “boss” calls to you, even if you only slept 4 hours the night before. Being a parent means that you have to put yourself last. The needs of your baby always come first. It can honestly become overwhelming at times. But then your child will smile at you for the first time or coo and you’ll realize that it’s all worth it.

I say that it does take a village because I couldn’t imagine raising my daughters without my parents living close to me. When my first daughter was born, I lived with my parents. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was a first time mom with this little baby. I never changed a baby’s diaper that was that little. I never breastfed or prepared formula. I never had to deal with something waking me up by crying in the middle of the night. It’s a lot to try to get used too. My mom was a godsend with my first daughter. The first week of my daughter’s life, she helped me transition into being a mom. She would wake up in the middle of the night with me and help me change the baby’s diaper. If the baby had a blow out, she would help me clean up that too. She would help me prepare a bottle if I needed it or burp her if she needed it. She did it a lot when I first came home but as I slowly got the hang of everything and learned my new role in life, she got to actually get back to her normal sleep schedule. With my second daughter, she didn’t live in the same house as I did so I had to do it all on my own. It didn’t take that long for me to fall into a routine. My parents were helpful when my second daughter was born. They are the ones who helped take care of Melody while I was in the hospital. I wouldn’t know what to do if I didn’t have them. They’re honestly the only people I trust to watch my children. It’s hard to trust anyone nowadays.

It does take a village to raise a child. My village just so happens to be a small one. But I’m grateful for them every day and all that they do. They help make this parenting experience easier.